What to Talk about What Not to Talk About
Talking to your children about drugs and alcohol can be an intimidating prospect. Where do you start and what do you talk about? What kinds of things can you do or say to dissuade them from trying drugs and alcohol? There are several ways to approach this: Teach your children the dangers, role model good drinking behavior yourself, spend time with your child, make sure to have family dinners and other get-togethers, make sure your child knows you care. These are examples of everyday kinds of things you can do to help keep your kids away from drugs and alcohol. But what about when you need to specifically address the subject? Here are Do's and Don'ts when it comes to talking about drugs and alcohol.
What to Talk About:
Tell your children about the dangers and start when they are young or a pre-teen. In your discussions include the following:
Be very clear about what you expect from them when it comes to drug or alcohol use.
Explain to them that their brain is still developing and is more susceptible to addiction.
The longer he/she waits to have alcohol or uses drugs the less likely he is to become addicted. You can cite the following statistic: by delaying drinking until age 21 you reduce the risk of alcohol related problems by 70%. For every year an adolescent delays using alcohol they decrease the odds of lifelong dependence by 15% and alcohol abuse by 8%.
Tell stories of relatives and friends you know that have had a problem with drugs or alcohol. This doesn't have to be necessarily a "fear tactic", it is more about showing how drugs and alcohol can significantly and negatively impact how one's life looks when under the influence.
Tell them how those friends or relatives addiction affected you. This will show them just how large an impact drug and alcohol abuse can have.
What Not To Talk About:
Don't glorify your drinking or drug use days. In an adolescent's mind, this can appear like you are saying that it was okay when you were young, and therefore, tells them it may be okay for them while they are young.
Don't tell them you sometimes need a drink to do certain social things like for example dancing or visiting relatives.
Don't say it's inevitable, or a “right of passage”. Have higher expectations.
Don't make lighthearted jokes when someone is drunk or is a heavy drinker. This minimizes the seriousness of the impact drugs and alcohol can have on a person. The more comical you make it seem the less dangerous it will appear to an adolescent.
What to do to prevent or decrease use:
Okay, so, we've talked about what you should and should not say to your child when talking about drugs and alcohol. Now, what kinds of things can you do or say as a parent to help prevent them from trying or using drugs and alcohol? Here are some recommendations for what you can do in your daily life to help prevent this.
Talking to your teen about NOT using alcohol is the first step (see above).
Keep lines of communication open. The more in-touch you are with your child the better off they will be and the more likely they will straight-forward with you.
Set rules specific to alcohol or drugs: “If your at a party where kids are drinking, call me and I’ll come pick you up quietly, I can meet you down the street if you prefer”
Help them avoid a risky situation “You know I love you, but I’m your parent, not your friend, my expectation is that you will not be in a place where kids are drinking”
Enforce the rules. “We’ve talked about how I feel about you using alcohol and the consequences are”: These are tricky and will depend on the child’s age. With early teens, definitely you can take away a privilege such as internet or TV or going to the mall or movies or restrict contact with friends (coming over or going to their house) but only for a week for most rule breaking. If it is severe, second time caught, or a serious problem such as coming home drunk, then the punishment should be 3 weeks at most or your teen will forget why he/she is being punished. Have your child read information on harmful effects of alcohol or drugs.
If you are a parent of a teenager and you'd like to learn other strategies and information regarding parenting a teen, you may consider signing up for our online course "Navigating the Teen Years". It is free to sign up and participate. Click here for an informational flyer.
